Chrismas Got Run Over By A Reindeer!!!

This fun film is like Christmas with the Kranks meets the elk from the Ring 2!!! A family (let's call them the Kranks) decides that they're not going to celebrate Christmas this year... they're just going to take it easy. They rent out a lake house in the small town of Eiderdown, Washington. It was the wrong town to pick for 2 reasons--1) The folks in Eiderdown LOVE Christmas! Eiderdown is in fact the Christmas Tree Capitol of the United States! Every year, approximately 1300 Christmas trees are harvested from the dark, green mountains surrounding the town. 2) Those same lush, dark, green mountains are also home to some hungry-for-human-flesh elk (or reindeer, I mean, hey--this is a Christmas movie!). They start attacking the Eiderdowners on the street. The elk put the dead Eiderdowners' clothes on their antlers like flags of victory. The remaining Eiderdowners (including that Kranky "we're not going to celebrate Christmas" family) barricade themselves in the town hall, where they were ironically planning on being that night anyway because they were going to have the town's annual Christmas tree Charity Auction. 100 (!) different trees had been decorated and placed in the town hall for a showcase. This night however, their thoughts turned from helping others to helping themselves. They sharpened the points of all the Christmas trees and laid them on the ground. They then tied Christmas lights around them, so that they could raise the tips. Then--they opened the doors, and hilarity ensues!!! Just picture an entire herd of crazed elk running down poor Eiderdowners, only to be skewered, at the last second, on a beautiful Christmas tree. So much red and green! The Kranks learn a valuable lesson--you should never not celebrate Christmas or not have a Christmas tree.

Gladiator

There is a Gladiator who is a gladiator among gladiators. His bronze skin glistens. His hard eyes are like blue diamonds. His hair is cut like a Roman. He fights for many things, especially for his wife. He doesn't know that she is dead though. Whenever he wins, he asks the crowd what they want to see -- "Do you want to see his blood?" They always yell back a response, and no matter what it is, he kills them anyway, because you can't escape death.

To Kill a Mocking... Guy

This movie starts with a bunch of small children talking about what they want to do when they grow up. After several different responses we finally come to William our main character, who says that he wants to be a serial killer. We then see several different shots of William as he is growing up, sitting in front of the tv watching a news report about a serial killer, reading a stack of books in the library about different murder cases, reading an anatomy book and making different cuts on a dummy, and he does various other things to prepare him to be a world class serial killer. Then he plans out the perfect murder to start his career as a serial killer but he is unable to follow through with it. He just can't bring himself to kill someone. William gets really depressed and doesn't know what to do with his life because he can't be what he always wanted to be. Then one day William sees an ad on tv offering a reward for any information leading to the arrest of a serial killer. William thinks that he will be able to solve the case because he knows so much about serial killing. But as he gets deeper and deeper into the investigation William realizes that the serial killer is using all of Williams methods and plans, and the serial killer realizes that someone is on his trail. So it becomes a contest to see who can out serial kill the other. When things get dangerous will William finally be able to overcome his fears and murder someone dead?

Diversity 3

A man is standing on a ledge, holding a notepad and a pen. He writes something, then sets them both down. There's a crowd gathered. A policeman on a megaphone is trying to talk him down. The man moves as if to jump, then stops and says, "April Fools! I'm not going to kill myself! It's all a big joke!" Everyone is laughing, and then the man jumps to his death. We pan over to the notepad and it says "Double Sike! Not everyone has the same sense of humor, and that's ok. Diversity!"

Diversity 2

So, here is the second idea that I had for a public service announcement dealing with diversity. This one also deals with the fact that many of us think different things are funny.

It's late at night and a woman is walking home by herself. She turns down a dark alley. Suddenly a man grabs her arm and she is startled. she tries to run but he trips her. She scrambles back up to her feet but the man grabs around her waste and lifts her off of her feet slamming her back down on the ground and landing on top of her. She struggles and squirms under his weight. He draws a knife and holds it to her throat and she stops struggling. She looks into her attackers eyes and he says "Just kidding." He then puts the knife away and helps the woman to her feet. As she stands up she starts laughing hysterically and the attacker joins her. Then the slogan comes on screen. "Not everyone has the same sense of humor, and that's ok. Diversity!"

Riddle Me This...

I heard a good riddle the other day that I thought could be made into a cool movie. i will just write out the riddle... it's pretty much how the movie will be except for the whole question at the end.

Jim and Hank were best friends and had been for the last 6 years. When they were 9 years old Jim had moved into Hanks neighborhood and they became good friends right away. Tonight they had gone to their secret spot where they liked to go just to get away from it all. It was an old abandoned barn about 5 mile out of town. They would ride their bikes out there and play around inside all day. Last summer they had gone there nearly every day and had made a club and brought some of their friends along. But tonight it was just them.

They had decided to sleep over at the old barn and they lay up in the hay loft looking out a large window at the full moon. They had been laying there talking about girls for hours and they had no idea what time it was. Probably around 2 or 3 in the morning. All of a sudden they heard something. They thought it was just an animal at first, it was coming from outside and it sounded like a bat squealing. As the sound came closer they could make out sniffling sounds, something was crying. Then they heard the barn door open. Hank looked to Jim wide eyed with fear, Jim shushed him. They could clearly make out the sound now, It was a woman crying, her voice was timid as she said over and over "Please no, Please, please don't do this." Then they heard a man's voice, it was harsh "QUIET."

Jim and Hank listened intently as the man ad woman made their way through the barn to the back, where there was a ladder up to the hay loft. The man said "Climb." Then the woman's protests grew even more earnest "Please no. Not up there. Please just let me go home." The man again "QUIET!" And this time it was followed by a loud crack, and then silence. Hank looked to Jim again and mouthed the words "What do we do?" Jim mouthed back "I don't know." Then Jim got up quietly and went to the window. It was much to far to jump. He would break his leg, and for sure the man would hear his fall. he laid back down in his spot. The man and woman had begun climbing the ladder. Suddenly they heard a crash and someone sprinting out the door to the barn. Heavier footsteps followed right after.

Jim turned to Hank, "Now is our chance. Let's get out of here." "But what if he is right outside?" Hank answered. "It's better than being caught up here. At least we'll have somewhere to run."Jim and Hank got up and quietly made their way over to the ladder when they heard someone burst through the barn doors. The crying was back but was more earnest now. This time the footsteps moved through the barn more slowly. And now there was this scrapping sound as if something was being dragged across the floor of the barn. Hank and Jim went back to their spots and tried to bury them selves under the hay. It wasn't' working to well, when Jim happened to looked up and saw a can of red paint hanging from a rafter right above their heads. "Take off your shirt" he whispered to Hank.

Hank looked at Jim confused. Jim said again sternly "Take off your shirt." As he himself had begun to undress. Hank took off his shirt and gave it to Jim, who said "The pants and the underwear too." Hank was baffled, but his friend was stripping down to nothing so he did it too. Jim took all the clothes and hid them in the hay. "Lay back down." Jim said as he grabbed the can of paint and tried to pry it open. "There is a pocket knife in my pants." Hank whispered.

As Jim cut around the crusted paint with Hank's knife they could hear the man and woman once again climbing the ladder. They could hear the woman struggling and crying, and the man just kept saying "Shut up. SHUT UP." Jim popped the top off of the red paint can. However old it was there was still some good paint in it. The man and woman were in the hay loft now. The man was carrying a flashlight and he used it to hit the woman three or four times. "I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!" Jim and Hanks hearts were racing. Jim told Hank to lay down then he poured some red paint on his neck and body and whispered "no matter what happens don't move." Then Jim laid down next to him, pouring the rest of the red paint on himself and stuffing the paint can in the hay.

The woman was quiet now after the beating she had taken and the man led her by the arm towards where the boys were lying. The boys did their best to not even breathe as they heard the footsteps come closer and closer and then stopped. It was quiet. A loud scream broke the silence. The woman had seen two naked boys covered in blood lying in the hay. "Is that what you are going to do to me?" she screamed and then began sobbing uncontrollably. The man turned and saw the boys "What the *#@$ is this?" He said. The woman kept crying and repeating over and over "Please don't kill me, please don't kill me. I won't tell anyone about these boys, just don't kill me." There was a loud crack as he the man hit her again with the flashlight. "SHUT UP! ...I didn't kill these boys. I don't know where the hell they came from. Just let me think for a minute." and then it was quiet.

Hank and Jim did their best not to move a muscle. Hank prayed that neither the man or woman was looking but he didn't dare check and see. He had to take a breath. His chest moved up and down slightly but no one seemed to notice. He was relieved. Then the man said to the woman "Stay right here, I need to get something from my car. If you so much as move I swear I will kill your whole family." The man left. He climbed down the ladder and left the barn.

Then silence.

There was no way to tell how long they all lay there but Jim guessed it had been about forty minutes. Every now and then the woman would cry, but then she would stop and just sniffle until she cried again. Jim was hoping that the man had decided that he didn't want to deal with the chance of getting charged with three murders instead of just one and had just left the woman here and ran. But it had been so quiet and he had listened for a car engine but hadn't heard any. Jim wanted to ask the woman how far away the man was parked, but also didn't think it was safe to reveal that they weren't dead yet. The other thought he kept having was that the man was just making room for the two extra bodies. Jim thought he heard a car door close... but he wasn't sure. Now he was just waiting for an engine or for the barn door...

Suddenly Jim felt something... It startled him. It was someone's hand on his genitals. He screamed "What the hell?" At this both the woman and Hank were startled and yelled out. The sight of the once dead boys now coming to life scared the woman so terribly that she screamed and screamed and then passed out. The man who actually had been arranging his car so that he could transport the other bodies without getting any blood on his seats, was now just outside the barn. He heard the woman screaming bloody murder and heard the other man's voice. He figured that whoever had killed the boys was up there hacking away at his would be victim and he got scared. He ran to his car and drove away determined to put as much distance between him ad that barn as he could.

When Jim and Hank heard the screeching wheels of the man's car they knew he had left and quickly got dressed and left the unconscious woman in the barn, riding away on their bikes.

BUT WHOSE HAND WAS IT?

Horra

You're my inspiration.

And so are you.

I just can't get enough.

Dang Gina. This should be a music video.

The Special Two

I can't take full credit for this idea. But I will take full credit for writing it out. So basically, there is this guy and this girl who both happen to be walking down the same street and they catch each other's eye. He says "Hey baby, you got plans tonight?" and she answers "I don't know do we?" Then they go to a Hotel and get a couple drinks at the bar before heading up to a room. After about... I don't know, let's say 40 minutes, they are getting dressed in the hotel room and the guys says to the woman "By the way, I only take cash."
She answers "You only take cash? You mean you only have cash?"
"No I only take cash but I do have some cash if you need change?"
She's confused and asks "Why would I need change?"
This goes around and around for another... I don't know, let's say 8 minutes. Then they finally realize that they are both prostitutes. Of course they each insist that the other pay while they also each refuse to. Additionally, it turns out that they have the same pimp, and because of his very strict collection policy he is foced to shoot them both in the head. He's not sweating it though because he has plenty more prostitutes where they came from.

Diversity

Ok so as long as we are branching off and doing TV now, I had an idea for a series of public service announcements that promote diversity. The first Ideas that I had highlight the fact that everyone has a different sense of humor, and that's ok. I am thinking of three initial spots with more to follow. I'll just give the first one today.

Ok, so in this first one there is a kid in the park and we see someone grab him and start running. Then we hear a doorbell and cut to a door opening and a woman answers and sees a ransom note. She closes the door and then two guys carry something covered in a blanket onto the porch, ring the doorbell and run away. The woman ad her husband come to the door. She has been crying. They take the blanket off and it is their son tied up on a chair. There is a note that says "Just kidding" The parents start laughing hysterically and then the slogan comes on screen. "Not everyone has the same sense of humor, and that's ok. Diversity!"

Quiz Show

Okay, so there is this quiz show host and his show gets canceled and he kind of flips out and so he is like abducting people from his network and he takes them out into the woods and then he asks them to name three things that are more delicious than a toasted peanut butter and honey sandwich and then when they do he kills them. He does this to like 15 people and then finally one of them is like Nothing is more delicious than a toasted peanut butter and honey sandwich. Then the host is like "You're right." and he doesn't kill him. Instead he forces his abductee to marry him at gunpoint. And they live happily ever after. THE END

Hidden Camera Show

I realize this is for movies, but hey--I'm branching out into TV. So you hire actors to play jokes on delivery guys (much like MySpaceTV's new show 'Delivery'). For example, an actor, with both arms in casts, is trying to eat Cheetos, but can't get the Cheetos to their mouth. A delivery guy shows up right then, and the arm guy tries to get the delivery guy to help him put the Cheetos in his mouth. The broken arm actor is playing a joke on the delivery guy, but really the joke is on the broken arm actor, because that delivery guy, seeing that the person is somewhat delibitated (seeing as both arms are in fully functional casts) starts touching the broken arm person in a creepy way, and the broken arm person is powerless to stop it. Little does the broken arm actor know that the delivery guy is also an actor, an actor in the hit hidden camera TV show 'Sexual Harassment.'

Three Men and a Little Secret

Richard, Will and Scott were the best of friends from elementary until high school. After Graduation they took their senior trip to Mexico where something so happened that they swore never to tell anyone about. They remained close friends but never spoke of what happened in Mexico. Now 15 years later Scott has learned that his best friends have both been killed on the same night. Scott is convinced that the murders are linked to what happened 15 years earlier. He is also convinced that he will be next so he starts his own investigation. It all slowly unravels and we learn that 15 years ago the three friends got stranded in Mexico and they broke into the home of a Mexican family ad sot them all and stole their money and car to get back to America. We also learn that the murders weren't done by Mexicans seeking revenge, but it turns out that Richard and Will had slept together once and Richard was in love with Will but Will regretted the whole thing and never wanted to see Richard again. So Richard shot Will and went home and killed himself but since he left no note everyone assumed it was murder. And that's why you always leave a note.

Pulp Friction

Trevor is a funny guy--a reaaaaaaal funny guy. Because he is so funny, he gets a girlfriend that is WAY out of his league. He gets caught speeding, but, because he is funny, he gets out of the ticket. He votes for Ron Paul, and all his political friends lambast him for wasting his vote, but he makes a funny joke, and everyone is like, "Yeah, that's so true! THAT'S SO TRUE!!!" One day, Trevor gets caught selling rocks of crack to kids in high school. Trevor isn't sweating it though, he's feeling really funny on the day of his trial. He cracks some jokes for the judge and the jury. They're loving it, I mean, it's their McDonalds... They're really eating it up. Trevor gets put away for life though. Let's see how the pipe-laying brothers in jail like his jokes now.

Big Brother is Watching

Mac is a nice enough guy, he is pretty quiet and mostly keeps to himself. He also happens to have inherited 50 million dollars when he was 12 years old, so he hasn't really ever worked a day in his life. In fact Mac is quite possibly the laziest guy on the planet. All this changes though when Mac irresponsbly causes a terrible accident, and while no one is seriously injured Mac is sentanced to 1000 hours of community service. All of a sudden Mac has to get up and do something and at first he is very resistant. But after some trial and error Mac finally finds his calling, as a volunteer at Big Brothers Big Sisters. By volunteering as a Big Brother, Mac is able to work off his community service hours doing the two things that he is best at: 1. spending money on fun activities for less fortunate children, and 2. being a pedophile.

This is for a movie about me.

10 years ago
10 years ago, I was in Driver's Ed. There was a beautiful red headed girl in my class. The only hot red head in the world. Also, a kid shorter than me (who I ran into last time I was home, he was working at a pizza place and was just about to be a father) stole my wallet and threw it on the roof of the driver's ed building. That was the last time i ever saw my weezer fan club card.

5 things on my to do list today

1. send notwist song to rob
2. send notes to kc
3. take picture of karl, which i already forgot to do
4. photoshop pics
5. start fast

5 snacks I enjoy

1. blood
2. sailor blood (and by that i mean sailor moon)
3. sacrificed goat's blood
4. trigger's blood
5. tango n cash's blood

What I would do if I was given a billion dollars

buy clubs and let them get popular and really full and then burn it. that's part of the fun--it's dangerous, you never know when it would go up. i mean, i'd let people know "one of these days i'm gonna burn this place down when it's full of people, maybe even tonight." that way i wouldn't feel bad, because hey--they knew.

3 bad habits

1. cant stand daylight so i avoid it
2. i slap people all the time, in their faces, they look so surprised, it's funny
3. taking blood without asking for it

5 places I have lived

1. 1820s
2. wallachia
3. london
4. forks, wa
5. la

5 jobs I have had

1. temp
2. intern
3. pa
4. unemployed
5. model for drawing class

5 things people don't know about me

1. i was homeschooled for jr and sr kindergarten
2. i dug my dog up and tried to bring it back to life (it was in our backyard)
3. it worked, and later when i died, the dog dug me up--that's why dogs are better than cats, cats can't even dig
4. nipples the size of saucers
5. i have said seen christian bale 3 times already in los angeles, once i nodded and he nodded back

this is the part where the girls come in and we all dance to a sweet reggae song

YOU GOT VLOGGED!

So the basic idea is the same as You Got Served, except they aren't dancing, they are double dutch jump roping. The other major difference is that it happens online. This guy films a video of him double dutching and then he posts it on youtube with a challenge to anyone who thinks that they can out jump him him. Many people post videos in response to his challenge and soon the competition is in full swing to see who can post the illest double dutch video. Who will be the best?

LA Story

Terry is trying to meet some ladies. His friends at the office set him up with a girl they know. "A real looker," they promise. Her name is Rita, and she's their waitress at the local TGIF. Terry picks her up and takes her to a nice little Italian restaurant called Italios. They have some incredibly interesting small talk about how Rita is trying to become a model and an actress. Terry has no ambition--it having been completely beat out of him by college. Rita continues--she just did a commercial, that was like, totally the funnest day ever. All she had to do was lie in a bikini in the sand and drink margaritas and she did! And they were real! And she totally got wasted! And paid for it! Terry nods. He's really enjoying himself. At that very moment, Bruce Willis walks in. "OH MY GOSH!!!! It's BRUCE... BRUCE WILLIS!" she points to Bruce Willis. "Isn't this like totally blowing your mind?" Terry thinks about this, then nods. "You know, it is." At this point, Terry's head explodes just like a watermelon with an M80.

The Dark Knight Returns

Nevermind.

10 Things I Hate About Losing 27 Dresses in 10 Days

Ok, so there is like this guy and this girl who are both writers and they meet like once or twice and they totally judge each other and don't like each other. But then they realize that they can use each other to write a story that will get them a promotion so they start spending a lot of time together. But the thing is that they start actually liking each other. Then they fight and it is really hot so they just start making out instead of fighting. At some point they have sex. For a while things are going really well but for some unknown reason they never really communicate and tell each other about the real reason that they started spending time together, maybe they are like afraid to or something. Then they find out about each others original intentions and she gets pissed and she won't let him explain that he really does love her and vice versa, so then they go their seperate ways until they realize that they still love each other and one of them races to find the other one to tell them how they feel while the other one frantically writes a poem about how in love they are. And they make out some more.

They live happily ever after.

...That is until the lust wears off and they go through a messy divorce and end up hating each other after battling it out for custody of their two children.

North by Northeastern

"Hello Roger!" yells Roger's mother up at him. "It's time to get up now!" Roger doesn't answer. He has run away. He has run to a boardwalk in New Jersey, and has fallen in with a gang. A really bad gang. This gang is the talk of the town, the people AND police are even scared of this gang! Roger at first is happy to find friends, but he realizes (after witnessing some horrible things) that they are evil. They induct him into their gang by tattooing their gang name on his forearm. Their gang is called "Chain of Gangs." He decides he wants to leave, but they won't let him go. They say that now their name is on him, and he's with them now. So he's handcuffed in a cellar, but he calls his mom and she's like, "Come home, Roger, come home." So he does, but to do that he bites his arm off (the one with the name) and he's like "Now your name isn't on me!!" But you can't recover from something like that, and he dies.