The OTHER Ryan White Story

It's October 31, 1984 and Martin can't wait for the trick-or-treaters. Halloween is easily Martin's favorite holiday, probably because it combines two of Martin's favorite things: kids and costumes. Martin is new to this neighborhood and doesn't know what time to expect trick-or-treaters, but he sure doesn't want to miss them so he made sure to finish the last batch of chocolate covered GHB before 4 PM just in case. Martin has been laying low for the last month and a half so none of his neighbors have gotten to know him that well, and none of his neighbors suspect a thing...

Unfortunately, neither does Martin. You see, because he hasn't gotten to know his neighbors he doesn't know that the 13 year old boy next door is a hemophiliac. Nope, all Martin knows is that the kid looks pretty good in that Superman suit. And he knows he's going to leave the mask on...

Roe(bot) VS Wade

In the year 2010 professional athletes are in danger of becoming obsolete. No, not because society realized that watching someone else play a game is a waste of time. But because the rich white people that own the sports teams realized that people will still watch the games even if they replace the athletes with robots. But Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World John H. Wade isn't about to let that happen. He challenges the robot boxer and the robot boxer is programed to accept that challenge. John gets ready for what promises to be the fight of the century through a montage composed of shots including but not limited to John jumping rope, John lifting weights, John punching a speed bag, John running through the city, John doing sit-ups, and John injecting steroids in between his toes. This montage will also include shots of the robot powered down and sitting in a closet for storage. The night of the big fight John's wife tries to convince him not to fight the robot by reminding him that his punches are not likely to have any effect besides possibly shattering the bones in his own hand. But John gives a long monologue about how he can't just sit back and let robots steal jobs away from professional athletes (this is where I will tell the audience the theme ;)). About 90 seconds into the first round, after John has shattered all the bones in both of his hands, the robot successfully lands a punch to John's body with such force that his chest collapses and his heart stops immediately. The good news is that the robot did not hit him in the face and Mrs. Wade is able to have an open casket funeral.

I am thinking of two possible sequels. Either the robot becomes sentient and develops a moral opposition to killing innocent boxers and decides to use his abilities to become a bouncer that cleans up rowdy bars, I'll call it "Ro(bot)ad House", OR the rich white people that be decide that they will make much more money if they continue to pit robots against humans, who have no chance of survival, and recruit their fighters from prisons by offering freedom to any inmate that can beat the robot, I would call this one "Death Race 2 The Ring"

KKKostume

Halloween time comes again, and now it's time for a tale of mistake identity. FREDDY IS CLUTCH! FREDDY IS A BALLER! FREDDY DECIDES TO DRESS AS A KKK MEMBER FOR HALLOWEEN! Things are going ok, and he's out trick-or-treating with his boyz. He's all like, "Yo, this is FOR REAL--this is REAL CANDY, MAN. Can because he fixes it with love and makes the world go round." Anyway, these other YOUNG HUSTLERS come up to him and start beating him because of his costume. They're like, "THIS IS RACIST, PUNK!" He's like, "No, it ain't! Hold up, this ain't racist!" He tears off his KKK hood and shows that he is indeed a black man. No, wait--he is a white man wearing blackface dressed as a KKK member. Before he can even say, "Like Dave Chappelle!" he has been CAPPED DEAD.

Sadomasochist, a Poem

A person that loves
Pain and pleasure.

Alone they're fine,
But they're better together.

Suicide Pact

It's been a while since we've posted but that doesn't mean we haven't had any good ideas for movies.

For example here is a good idea that I had and was so excited about I started writing it already. This is rough and is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors but it will give you a general idea.

In the pages that follow this sample Matthew keeps trying to kill himself and Nathan keeps stopping him so eventually Matthew has to kill Nathan in order to kill himself. I especially like this idea because it has a good message that you shouldn't convince other people to kill themselves cause then they might kill you too.

Sleeping With the Enemy

I am picturing this as a high school date movie in the same vein as She's All That or 10 Things I Hate About You.

Eric is in love. Beth is the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. She is confident, smart and fun and Eric just can't get enough of her. The only problem is that she doesn't even know he exists. He tries his best to get noticed, leaves notes in her locker, he memorizes her class schedule, tries to sit close to her at lunch, and takes a similar route home from school. When all of this fails Eric comes up with a crazy plan to get Beth to go to the prom with him.
Eric creates an alternate persona using MySpace and Facebook. Carlos, a foreign exchange student from Spain who is super sexy and has "just moved in" with Eric's family. Using the internet "Carlos" bcomes friends with Beth and all of her friends. This finally gets Eric some attention because he is the host of this new European heartthrob, but all anyone ever talks to Eric about is where Carlos is and Eric has to resort to all sorts of zany things to cover up the fact that Carlos isn't real.
Finally Beth agrees to go to the prom with Carlos but Eric shows up saying that Carlos had a family emergency and asked Eric to go instead and that he would try to meet up with Beth later. Beth is disappointed but agrees to go with Eric. They have a nice time and as Beth gets to know Eric better she realizes that he is pretty funny and kind of cute.
Then Eric takes Beth to a hotel where he says Carlos will meet her. Beth suggests Eric stay and hang out with her until Carlos comes. Eric is so happy. This is his dream come true, except for the Carlos part. Eric finally has the courage to tell the truth.
"Beth... Carlos isn't coming. I am Carlos and I love you."
Eric was hoping that Beth would realize that the man she had been in love with all along was really Eric and then they would make sweet love. Instead Beth is actually kind of creeped out. No, she is REALLY creeped out. She tries to leave but Eric doesn't let her and when she tells Eric that he is a psycho and that she could never love him he holds a pillow over her face until her body stops writhing and she is finally at peace.
Eric needs to hide the body. Because she would never sleep with him in life, Eric takes the body back to his house and stuffs it into his mattress so that he can sleep with it every night. And they all live happily ever after.
Except for Beth. She's dead.

Twin Versus Twin

OK, so this is going back to television. The idea is for a fictional narrative that follows the format of a reality TV program. The premise is that in every set of twins there is an evil twin. So this show groups 10 sets of twins on an island in the middle of the Pacific, they have 8 weeks to prove that they are the non-evil twin because each non-evil twin wins $25,000. BUT, somewhere during the first week there are sightings of other people on the island. Eventually it comes out that this is the second time that they have tried to film this reality TV but the first time all the evil twins killed everyone, because they are evil. Now there are 20 evil twins, 10 non-evil twins, and a camera crew locked in an all out battle for survival. I was going to call it like Survival, or Surviving or something.... but then I realized Twin Versus Twin was a way more realistic name for a reality TV show.

Sleepless in Detroit

Nancy is a beautiful girl and her boyfriend Herbert is a beautiful boy. They are very much in love. Getting married and providing the world with beautiful babies seems as natural as gravity. It turns out that Nancy isn't happy though. She wants more. She breaks off the relationship, blaming Herbert for not being romantic enough. This is, of course, a HUGE blow to Herbert, who is, in fact, a massive romantic. He has memorized several passages from Romeo and Juliet, and when he gets bored at work, he imagines himself and Nancy as acting those scenes out.

Anyway, back to Nancy. Alright, so admittedly, that was a bit of a cheeky tart move that she pulled, but she's over it--okay? So let's not dwell in the past... she's not. She's enrolled herself on Match.com. For just $20 a month, she is guaranteed a perfect mate. Nancy though has decided that she is not shallow, and chooses the Match.com option to not see the profile pictures. She has decided to find a mate who is compatible with her intellectually and emotionally (and not just another beautiful boy). She finds a suitably compatible profile, and they begin exchanging flirtatious messages. Eventually, they decide to meet up at one of her favorite restaurants.

The big night comes. Nancy is shown to her table. She can see her mate from across the room. His face is turned away from her, but she notices the classy tweed jacket, the straight neck line of his freshly cut hair, the elegant arch from his shoulder to his neck... She comes up from behind him, and covers his eyes. 'Guess who?' He says, 'Nancy!' Oh snap! Guess who it is? It's Herbert. Match.com had paired them back together because they really were perfect together.

'Oh well,' says Herbert, 'this night won't go exactly as I thought it would, but still, this is perfect. There's been something I've been wanting to do...'

At that, he grabs a glass of wine, adds a few drops of poison, and then grabs Nancy's jaws, forcing open her mouth and depositing the wine. She dies quickly. He then adds the rest of the poison to his wine glass, and says 'O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.' At that point, he goes to kiss Nancy, but he dies, and there they lie with their faces mashed together. Dead.

This Is How I Feel About Offices

Can you say "Storyboardzz!!!!"?I would like to thank Abraham for turning me on to this... Now, don't be harsh, it's my first one...

JP's Big Adventure

There is this guy named Jacob but he goes by JP and he is in love with his neighbor... let's call her DP. One blessed Sunday JP's minister delivers a powerful sermon about the benefits of marriage so JP decides to ask his neighbor to marry him. She agrees and they set a wedding date.

THEN one week before the wedding JP is in a terrible should-be-fatal head-on collision... but miraculously he doesn't die. The driver of the other car, however, is hospitalized in critical condition. Let's cal her JG.

THEN the day before the wedding JG miraculously heals and the next day she attends JP and DP's wedding she wasn't really invited but no one says anything cause the groom did almost kill her last week before she miraculously survived. During the wedding dinner DPP chokes on a chicken bone. She turns blue and passes out and everybody panics except for JG who miraculously remembers the Heimlich maneuver from when they taught it to her in elementary school. So DPP miraculously survives and JG decides to become a doctor because of the sense of fulfillment she got from miraculously saving DPP's life and JP and DPP live happily ever after.

Chrismas Got Run Over By A Reindeer!!!

This fun film is like Christmas with the Kranks meets the elk from the Ring 2!!! A family (let's call them the Kranks) decides that they're not going to celebrate Christmas this year... they're just going to take it easy. They rent out a lake house in the small town of Eiderdown, Washington. It was the wrong town to pick for 2 reasons--1) The folks in Eiderdown LOVE Christmas! Eiderdown is in fact the Christmas Tree Capitol of the United States! Every year, approximately 1300 Christmas trees are harvested from the dark, green mountains surrounding the town. 2) Those same lush, dark, green mountains are also home to some hungry-for-human-flesh elk (or reindeer, I mean, hey--this is a Christmas movie!). They start attacking the Eiderdowners on the street. The elk put the dead Eiderdowners' clothes on their antlers like flags of victory. The remaining Eiderdowners (including that Kranky "we're not going to celebrate Christmas" family) barricade themselves in the town hall, where they were ironically planning on being that night anyway because they were going to have the town's annual Christmas tree Charity Auction. 100 (!) different trees had been decorated and placed in the town hall for a showcase. This night however, their thoughts turned from helping others to helping themselves. They sharpened the points of all the Christmas trees and laid them on the ground. They then tied Christmas lights around them, so that they could raise the tips. Then--they opened the doors, and hilarity ensues!!! Just picture an entire herd of crazed elk running down poor Eiderdowners, only to be skewered, at the last second, on a beautiful Christmas tree. So much red and green! The Kranks learn a valuable lesson--you should never not celebrate Christmas or not have a Christmas tree.

Gladiator

There is a Gladiator who is a gladiator among gladiators. His bronze skin glistens. His hard eyes are like blue diamonds. His hair is cut like a Roman. He fights for many things, especially for his wife. He doesn't know that she is dead though. Whenever he wins, he asks the crowd what they want to see -- "Do you want to see his blood?" They always yell back a response, and no matter what it is, he kills them anyway, because you can't escape death.

To Kill a Mocking... Guy

This movie starts with a bunch of small children talking about what they want to do when they grow up. After several different responses we finally come to William our main character, who says that he wants to be a serial killer. We then see several different shots of William as he is growing up, sitting in front of the tv watching a news report about a serial killer, reading a stack of books in the library about different murder cases, reading an anatomy book and making different cuts on a dummy, and he does various other things to prepare him to be a world class serial killer. Then he plans out the perfect murder to start his career as a serial killer but he is unable to follow through with it. He just can't bring himself to kill someone. William gets really depressed and doesn't know what to do with his life because he can't be what he always wanted to be. Then one day William sees an ad on tv offering a reward for any information leading to the arrest of a serial killer. William thinks that he will be able to solve the case because he knows so much about serial killing. But as he gets deeper and deeper into the investigation William realizes that the serial killer is using all of Williams methods and plans, and the serial killer realizes that someone is on his trail. So it becomes a contest to see who can out serial kill the other. When things get dangerous will William finally be able to overcome his fears and murder someone dead?

Diversity 3

A man is standing on a ledge, holding a notepad and a pen. He writes something, then sets them both down. There's a crowd gathered. A policeman on a megaphone is trying to talk him down. The man moves as if to jump, then stops and says, "April Fools! I'm not going to kill myself! It's all a big joke!" Everyone is laughing, and then the man jumps to his death. We pan over to the notepad and it says "Double Sike! Not everyone has the same sense of humor, and that's ok. Diversity!"

Diversity 2

So, here is the second idea that I had for a public service announcement dealing with diversity. This one also deals with the fact that many of us think different things are funny.

It's late at night and a woman is walking home by herself. She turns down a dark alley. Suddenly a man grabs her arm and she is startled. she tries to run but he trips her. She scrambles back up to her feet but the man grabs around her waste and lifts her off of her feet slamming her back down on the ground and landing on top of her. She struggles and squirms under his weight. He draws a knife and holds it to her throat and she stops struggling. She looks into her attackers eyes and he says "Just kidding." He then puts the knife away and helps the woman to her feet. As she stands up she starts laughing hysterically and the attacker joins her. Then the slogan comes on screen. "Not everyone has the same sense of humor, and that's ok. Diversity!"

Riddle Me This...

I heard a good riddle the other day that I thought could be made into a cool movie. i will just write out the riddle... it's pretty much how the movie will be except for the whole question at the end.

Jim and Hank were best friends and had been for the last 6 years. When they were 9 years old Jim had moved into Hanks neighborhood and they became good friends right away. Tonight they had gone to their secret spot where they liked to go just to get away from it all. It was an old abandoned barn about 5 mile out of town. They would ride their bikes out there and play around inside all day. Last summer they had gone there nearly every day and had made a club and brought some of their friends along. But tonight it was just them.

They had decided to sleep over at the old barn and they lay up in the hay loft looking out a large window at the full moon. They had been laying there talking about girls for hours and they had no idea what time it was. Probably around 2 or 3 in the morning. All of a sudden they heard something. They thought it was just an animal at first, it was coming from outside and it sounded like a bat squealing. As the sound came closer they could make out sniffling sounds, something was crying. Then they heard the barn door open. Hank looked to Jim wide eyed with fear, Jim shushed him. They could clearly make out the sound now, It was a woman crying, her voice was timid as she said over and over "Please no, Please, please don't do this." Then they heard a man's voice, it was harsh "QUIET."

Jim and Hank listened intently as the man ad woman made their way through the barn to the back, where there was a ladder up to the hay loft. The man said "Climb." Then the woman's protests grew even more earnest "Please no. Not up there. Please just let me go home." The man again "QUIET!" And this time it was followed by a loud crack, and then silence. Hank looked to Jim again and mouthed the words "What do we do?" Jim mouthed back "I don't know." Then Jim got up quietly and went to the window. It was much to far to jump. He would break his leg, and for sure the man would hear his fall. he laid back down in his spot. The man and woman had begun climbing the ladder. Suddenly they heard a crash and someone sprinting out the door to the barn. Heavier footsteps followed right after.

Jim turned to Hank, "Now is our chance. Let's get out of here." "But what if he is right outside?" Hank answered. "It's better than being caught up here. At least we'll have somewhere to run."Jim and Hank got up and quietly made their way over to the ladder when they heard someone burst through the barn doors. The crying was back but was more earnest now. This time the footsteps moved through the barn more slowly. And now there was this scrapping sound as if something was being dragged across the floor of the barn. Hank and Jim went back to their spots and tried to bury them selves under the hay. It wasn't' working to well, when Jim happened to looked up and saw a can of red paint hanging from a rafter right above their heads. "Take off your shirt" he whispered to Hank.

Hank looked at Jim confused. Jim said again sternly "Take off your shirt." As he himself had begun to undress. Hank took off his shirt and gave it to Jim, who said "The pants and the underwear too." Hank was baffled, but his friend was stripping down to nothing so he did it too. Jim took all the clothes and hid them in the hay. "Lay back down." Jim said as he grabbed the can of paint and tried to pry it open. "There is a pocket knife in my pants." Hank whispered.

As Jim cut around the crusted paint with Hank's knife they could hear the man and woman once again climbing the ladder. They could hear the woman struggling and crying, and the man just kept saying "Shut up. SHUT UP." Jim popped the top off of the red paint can. However old it was there was still some good paint in it. The man and woman were in the hay loft now. The man was carrying a flashlight and he used it to hit the woman three or four times. "I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!" Jim and Hanks hearts were racing. Jim told Hank to lay down then he poured some red paint on his neck and body and whispered "no matter what happens don't move." Then Jim laid down next to him, pouring the rest of the red paint on himself and stuffing the paint can in the hay.

The woman was quiet now after the beating she had taken and the man led her by the arm towards where the boys were lying. The boys did their best to not even breathe as they heard the footsteps come closer and closer and then stopped. It was quiet. A loud scream broke the silence. The woman had seen two naked boys covered in blood lying in the hay. "Is that what you are going to do to me?" she screamed and then began sobbing uncontrollably. The man turned and saw the boys "What the *#@$ is this?" He said. The woman kept crying and repeating over and over "Please don't kill me, please don't kill me. I won't tell anyone about these boys, just don't kill me." There was a loud crack as he the man hit her again with the flashlight. "SHUT UP! ...I didn't kill these boys. I don't know where the hell they came from. Just let me think for a minute." and then it was quiet.

Hank and Jim did their best not to move a muscle. Hank prayed that neither the man or woman was looking but he didn't dare check and see. He had to take a breath. His chest moved up and down slightly but no one seemed to notice. He was relieved. Then the man said to the woman "Stay right here, I need to get something from my car. If you so much as move I swear I will kill your whole family." The man left. He climbed down the ladder and left the barn.

Then silence.

There was no way to tell how long they all lay there but Jim guessed it had been about forty minutes. Every now and then the woman would cry, but then she would stop and just sniffle until she cried again. Jim was hoping that the man had decided that he didn't want to deal with the chance of getting charged with three murders instead of just one and had just left the woman here and ran. But it had been so quiet and he had listened for a car engine but hadn't heard any. Jim wanted to ask the woman how far away the man was parked, but also didn't think it was safe to reveal that they weren't dead yet. The other thought he kept having was that the man was just making room for the two extra bodies. Jim thought he heard a car door close... but he wasn't sure. Now he was just waiting for an engine or for the barn door...

Suddenly Jim felt something... It startled him. It was someone's hand on his genitals. He screamed "What the hell?" At this both the woman and Hank were startled and yelled out. The sight of the once dead boys now coming to life scared the woman so terribly that she screamed and screamed and then passed out. The man who actually had been arranging his car so that he could transport the other bodies without getting any blood on his seats, was now just outside the barn. He heard the woman screaming bloody murder and heard the other man's voice. He figured that whoever had killed the boys was up there hacking away at his would be victim and he got scared. He ran to his car and drove away determined to put as much distance between him ad that barn as he could.

When Jim and Hank heard the screeching wheels of the man's car they knew he had left and quickly got dressed and left the unconscious woman in the barn, riding away on their bikes.

BUT WHOSE HAND WAS IT?

Horra

You're my inspiration.

And so are you.

I just can't get enough.

Dang Gina. This should be a music video.

The Special Two

I can't take full credit for this idea. But I will take full credit for writing it out. So basically, there is this guy and this girl who both happen to be walking down the same street and they catch each other's eye. He says "Hey baby, you got plans tonight?" and she answers "I don't know do we?" Then they go to a Hotel and get a couple drinks at the bar before heading up to a room. After about... I don't know, let's say 40 minutes, they are getting dressed in the hotel room and the guys says to the woman "By the way, I only take cash."
She answers "You only take cash? You mean you only have cash?"
"No I only take cash but I do have some cash if you need change?"
She's confused and asks "Why would I need change?"
This goes around and around for another... I don't know, let's say 8 minutes. Then they finally realize that they are both prostitutes. Of course they each insist that the other pay while they also each refuse to. Additionally, it turns out that they have the same pimp, and because of his very strict collection policy he is foced to shoot them both in the head. He's not sweating it though because he has plenty more prostitutes where they came from.

Diversity

Ok so as long as we are branching off and doing TV now, I had an idea for a series of public service announcements that promote diversity. The first Ideas that I had highlight the fact that everyone has a different sense of humor, and that's ok. I am thinking of three initial spots with more to follow. I'll just give the first one today.

Ok, so in this first one there is a kid in the park and we see someone grab him and start running. Then we hear a doorbell and cut to a door opening and a woman answers and sees a ransom note. She closes the door and then two guys carry something covered in a blanket onto the porch, ring the doorbell and run away. The woman ad her husband come to the door. She has been crying. They take the blanket off and it is their son tied up on a chair. There is a note that says "Just kidding" The parents start laughing hysterically and then the slogan comes on screen. "Not everyone has the same sense of humor, and that's ok. Diversity!"

Quiz Show

Okay, so there is this quiz show host and his show gets canceled and he kind of flips out and so he is like abducting people from his network and he takes them out into the woods and then he asks them to name three things that are more delicious than a toasted peanut butter and honey sandwich and then when they do he kills them. He does this to like 15 people and then finally one of them is like Nothing is more delicious than a toasted peanut butter and honey sandwich. Then the host is like "You're right." and he doesn't kill him. Instead he forces his abductee to marry him at gunpoint. And they live happily ever after. THE END