Wishes

Tom is turning 30. He is still single and he hasn't really accomplished much with his life so he is apprehensive about his upcoming birthday. A good friend of Tom's is a succesful archeologist and brings Tom a present from one of his excavations for his birthday. It is an ancient oil lamp and one day as Tom is polishing it a Genie comes out and tells him that he has three wishes. The next day Tom gets fired from his job as the night manager at Radio Shack, and as he is contemplating how his crappy life just got even crappier he says "I wish I was dead." Well at that moment the genie appears and shoots him in the face. Then he wakes up in hell (cause let's face it God is not going to let some schmuck wish his way into heaven) and he is like "where am I" and the genie is there and tells him he is dead. Then Tom asks why asks why the genie shot him instead of using his genie magic, and the genie is like "I am just a genie I don't have power over life and death... which incidentaly means if you wish to be alive again there is nohing I can really do about that." So then Tom is way bummed and he lives the next week in hell and it really sucks cause everyone is so depressed and all there is to do is walk to the library of hell and the only books they have are R.L. Stien's Goosebumps series. So Tom is like "Man I wish Hell didn't suck so bad" so then the Genie brings him a pool table and a Nintendo Wii. After a couple days Tom starts to make a lot of friends because on the Wii you can make little people that look like you and the people in hell thnk that is pretty cool. So Tom begins to like being dead more than being alive except that he is really thirsty so he wishes for 64 ounce Coke. But then the coke is flat.