Horra

You're my inspiration.

And so are you.

I just can't get enough.

Dang Gina. This should be a music video.

The Special Two

I can't take full credit for this idea. But I will take full credit for writing it out. So basically, there is this guy and this girl who both happen to be walking down the same street and they catch each other's eye. He says "Hey baby, you got plans tonight?" and she answers "I don't know do we?" Then they go to a Hotel and get a couple drinks at the bar before heading up to a room. After about... I don't know, let's say 40 minutes, they are getting dressed in the hotel room and the guys says to the woman "By the way, I only take cash."
She answers "You only take cash? You mean you only have cash?"
"No I only take cash but I do have some cash if you need change?"
She's confused and asks "Why would I need change?"
This goes around and around for another... I don't know, let's say 8 minutes. Then they finally realize that they are both prostitutes. Of course they each insist that the other pay while they also each refuse to. Additionally, it turns out that they have the same pimp, and because of his very strict collection policy he is foced to shoot them both in the head. He's not sweating it though because he has plenty more prostitutes where they came from.

Diversity

Ok so as long as we are branching off and doing TV now, I had an idea for a series of public service announcements that promote diversity. The first Ideas that I had highlight the fact that everyone has a different sense of humor, and that's ok. I am thinking of three initial spots with more to follow. I'll just give the first one today.

Ok, so in this first one there is a kid in the park and we see someone grab him and start running. Then we hear a doorbell and cut to a door opening and a woman answers and sees a ransom note. She closes the door and then two guys carry something covered in a blanket onto the porch, ring the doorbell and run away. The woman ad her husband come to the door. She has been crying. They take the blanket off and it is their son tied up on a chair. There is a note that says "Just kidding" The parents start laughing hysterically and then the slogan comes on screen. "Not everyone has the same sense of humor, and that's ok. Diversity!"

Quiz Show

Okay, so there is this quiz show host and his show gets canceled and he kind of flips out and so he is like abducting people from his network and he takes them out into the woods and then he asks them to name three things that are more delicious than a toasted peanut butter and honey sandwich and then when they do he kills them. He does this to like 15 people and then finally one of them is like Nothing is more delicious than a toasted peanut butter and honey sandwich. Then the host is like "You're right." and he doesn't kill him. Instead he forces his abductee to marry him at gunpoint. And they live happily ever after. THE END

Hidden Camera Show

I realize this is for movies, but hey--I'm branching out into TV. So you hire actors to play jokes on delivery guys (much like MySpaceTV's new show 'Delivery'). For example, an actor, with both arms in casts, is trying to eat Cheetos, but can't get the Cheetos to their mouth. A delivery guy shows up right then, and the arm guy tries to get the delivery guy to help him put the Cheetos in his mouth. The broken arm actor is playing a joke on the delivery guy, but really the joke is on the broken arm actor, because that delivery guy, seeing that the person is somewhat delibitated (seeing as both arms are in fully functional casts) starts touching the broken arm person in a creepy way, and the broken arm person is powerless to stop it. Little does the broken arm actor know that the delivery guy is also an actor, an actor in the hit hidden camera TV show 'Sexual Harassment.'

Three Men and a Little Secret

Richard, Will and Scott were the best of friends from elementary until high school. After Graduation they took their senior trip to Mexico where something so happened that they swore never to tell anyone about. They remained close friends but never spoke of what happened in Mexico. Now 15 years later Scott has learned that his best friends have both been killed on the same night. Scott is convinced that the murders are linked to what happened 15 years earlier. He is also convinced that he will be next so he starts his own investigation. It all slowly unravels and we learn that 15 years ago the three friends got stranded in Mexico and they broke into the home of a Mexican family ad sot them all and stole their money and car to get back to America. We also learn that the murders weren't done by Mexicans seeking revenge, but it turns out that Richard and Will had slept together once and Richard was in love with Will but Will regretted the whole thing and never wanted to see Richard again. So Richard shot Will and went home and killed himself but since he left no note everyone assumed it was murder. And that's why you always leave a note.

Pulp Friction

Trevor is a funny guy--a reaaaaaaal funny guy. Because he is so funny, he gets a girlfriend that is WAY out of his league. He gets caught speeding, but, because he is funny, he gets out of the ticket. He votes for Ron Paul, and all his political friends lambast him for wasting his vote, but he makes a funny joke, and everyone is like, "Yeah, that's so true! THAT'S SO TRUE!!!" One day, Trevor gets caught selling rocks of crack to kids in high school. Trevor isn't sweating it though, he's feeling really funny on the day of his trial. He cracks some jokes for the judge and the jury. They're loving it, I mean, it's their McDonalds... They're really eating it up. Trevor gets put away for life though. Let's see how the pipe-laying brothers in jail like his jokes now.

Big Brother is Watching

Mac is a nice enough guy, he is pretty quiet and mostly keeps to himself. He also happens to have inherited 50 million dollars when he was 12 years old, so he hasn't really ever worked a day in his life. In fact Mac is quite possibly the laziest guy on the planet. All this changes though when Mac irresponsbly causes a terrible accident, and while no one is seriously injured Mac is sentanced to 1000 hours of community service. All of a sudden Mac has to get up and do something and at first he is very resistant. But after some trial and error Mac finally finds his calling, as a volunteer at Big Brothers Big Sisters. By volunteering as a Big Brother, Mac is able to work off his community service hours doing the two things that he is best at: 1. spending money on fun activities for less fortunate children, and 2. being a pedophile.

This is for a movie about me.

10 years ago
10 years ago, I was in Driver's Ed. There was a beautiful red headed girl in my class. The only hot red head in the world. Also, a kid shorter than me (who I ran into last time I was home, he was working at a pizza place and was just about to be a father) stole my wallet and threw it on the roof of the driver's ed building. That was the last time i ever saw my weezer fan club card.

5 things on my to do list today

1. send notwist song to rob
2. send notes to kc
3. take picture of karl, which i already forgot to do
4. photoshop pics
5. start fast

5 snacks I enjoy

1. blood
2. sailor blood (and by that i mean sailor moon)
3. sacrificed goat's blood
4. trigger's blood
5. tango n cash's blood

What I would do if I was given a billion dollars

buy clubs and let them get popular and really full and then burn it. that's part of the fun--it's dangerous, you never know when it would go up. i mean, i'd let people know "one of these days i'm gonna burn this place down when it's full of people, maybe even tonight." that way i wouldn't feel bad, because hey--they knew.

3 bad habits

1. cant stand daylight so i avoid it
2. i slap people all the time, in their faces, they look so surprised, it's funny
3. taking blood without asking for it

5 places I have lived

1. 1820s
2. wallachia
3. london
4. forks, wa
5. la

5 jobs I have had

1. temp
2. intern
3. pa
4. unemployed
5. model for drawing class

5 things people don't know about me

1. i was homeschooled for jr and sr kindergarten
2. i dug my dog up and tried to bring it back to life (it was in our backyard)
3. it worked, and later when i died, the dog dug me up--that's why dogs are better than cats, cats can't even dig
4. nipples the size of saucers
5. i have said seen christian bale 3 times already in los angeles, once i nodded and he nodded back

this is the part where the girls come in and we all dance to a sweet reggae song

YOU GOT VLOGGED!

So the basic idea is the same as You Got Served, except they aren't dancing, they are double dutch jump roping. The other major difference is that it happens online. This guy films a video of him double dutching and then he posts it on youtube with a challenge to anyone who thinks that they can out jump him him. Many people post videos in response to his challenge and soon the competition is in full swing to see who can post the illest double dutch video. Who will be the best?

LA Story

Terry is trying to meet some ladies. His friends at the office set him up with a girl they know. "A real looker," they promise. Her name is Rita, and she's their waitress at the local TGIF. Terry picks her up and takes her to a nice little Italian restaurant called Italios. They have some incredibly interesting small talk about how Rita is trying to become a model and an actress. Terry has no ambition--it having been completely beat out of him by college. Rita continues--she just did a commercial, that was like, totally the funnest day ever. All she had to do was lie in a bikini in the sand and drink margaritas and she did! And they were real! And she totally got wasted! And paid for it! Terry nods. He's really enjoying himself. At that very moment, Bruce Willis walks in. "OH MY GOSH!!!! It's BRUCE... BRUCE WILLIS!" she points to Bruce Willis. "Isn't this like totally blowing your mind?" Terry thinks about this, then nods. "You know, it is." At this point, Terry's head explodes just like a watermelon with an M80.

The Dark Knight Returns

Nevermind.

10 Things I Hate About Losing 27 Dresses in 10 Days

Ok, so there is like this guy and this girl who are both writers and they meet like once or twice and they totally judge each other and don't like each other. But then they realize that they can use each other to write a story that will get them a promotion so they start spending a lot of time together. But the thing is that they start actually liking each other. Then they fight and it is really hot so they just start making out instead of fighting. At some point they have sex. For a while things are going really well but for some unknown reason they never really communicate and tell each other about the real reason that they started spending time together, maybe they are like afraid to or something. Then they find out about each others original intentions and she gets pissed and she won't let him explain that he really does love her and vice versa, so then they go their seperate ways until they realize that they still love each other and one of them races to find the other one to tell them how they feel while the other one frantically writes a poem about how in love they are. And they make out some more.

They live happily ever after.

...That is until the lust wears off and they go through a messy divorce and end up hating each other after battling it out for custody of their two children.

North by Northeastern

"Hello Roger!" yells Roger's mother up at him. "It's time to get up now!" Roger doesn't answer. He has run away. He has run to a boardwalk in New Jersey, and has fallen in with a gang. A really bad gang. This gang is the talk of the town, the people AND police are even scared of this gang! Roger at first is happy to find friends, but he realizes (after witnessing some horrible things) that they are evil. They induct him into their gang by tattooing their gang name on his forearm. Their gang is called "Chain of Gangs." He decides he wants to leave, but they won't let him go. They say that now their name is on him, and he's with them now. So he's handcuffed in a cellar, but he calls his mom and she's like, "Come home, Roger, come home." So he does, but to do that he bites his arm off (the one with the name) and he's like "Now your name isn't on me!!" But you can't recover from something like that, and he dies.

South

When white supremisist Norton Bailey turns 18 his white supremisist parents reveal to him that he is not their biological son. This shakes the foundations of Norton's reality, he suddenly finds himself flooded with questions about who he really is. So Norton seeks out an agency that reunites estranged family members through DNA testing. The test results come in the mail and reveal that Norton's real father is a man named Charles. The letter also designates a time and place where they can meet. When Norton arrives at the park where the meeting was arranged the only person there is a black man who turns out to be Norton's father Charles. Norton really struggles with this revelation because he was always taught that poeple from other races were subhuman, but as he sits down and talks to Charles he learns a valuable lesson: People should only be judged by the good that they accomplish in life, not by the color of their parents skin. However a 20 minute chat with some guy at a park isn't going to erase 18 years of neo-nazi indoctrination and he still belives that people should be judged on the color of their own skin. So he lynches Charles. When he gets back to his adoptive parents and tells them about everything they have a much different view point on the situation. They believe that you should be judged by the color of you parents skin because you aren't really white unless you are pure white. So they slip Norton some heavy sleeping pills and hang him in the tree in the backyard. I think that Angelina Jolie would be perfect for the part of Nortons racist Mother.

Christmas with the Crank

Okay--so somehow Santa makes a horrible mistake and mixes up all of his orders from rural areas in West Virginia with those of little schoolchildren. The parents are a little surprised to find amphetamines under the tree, but their general feeling is one of trust towards Santa, so they let it slide thinking, "Well, Santa has been doing this for a long time. He probably knows what he's doing." Anyway--they were wrong. Those kids are dead now.

Wishes

Tom is turning 30. He is still single and he hasn't really accomplished much with his life so he is apprehensive about his upcoming birthday. A good friend of Tom's is a succesful archeologist and brings Tom a present from one of his excavations for his birthday. It is an ancient oil lamp and one day as Tom is polishing it a Genie comes out and tells him that he has three wishes. The next day Tom gets fired from his job as the night manager at Radio Shack, and as he is contemplating how his crappy life just got even crappier he says "I wish I was dead." Well at that moment the genie appears and shoots him in the face. Then he wakes up in hell (cause let's face it God is not going to let some schmuck wish his way into heaven) and he is like "where am I" and the genie is there and tells him he is dead. Then Tom asks why asks why the genie shot him instead of using his genie magic, and the genie is like "I am just a genie I don't have power over life and death... which incidentaly means if you wish to be alive again there is nohing I can really do about that." So then Tom is way bummed and he lives the next week in hell and it really sucks cause everyone is so depressed and all there is to do is walk to the library of hell and the only books they have are R.L. Stien's Goosebumps series. So Tom is like "Man I wish Hell didn't suck so bad" so then the Genie brings him a pool table and a Nintendo Wii. After a couple days Tom starts to make a lot of friends because on the Wii you can make little people that look like you and the people in hell thnk that is pretty cool. So Tom begins to like being dead more than being alive except that he is really thirsty so he wishes for 64 ounce Coke. But then the coke is flat.

Hellbear

Okay so dude there is like this total like... like GUY, right? and he's like totally like like like STRUNG OUT, man--okay, so he's like strung out--okay? okay. and so he takes this giant teddy bear and he's like, "This will protect me, man! This will protect me!" So he's holding this giant toy over his shoulder like a fireman with someone who's like passed out because of fire. So like this guy is running around with this teddy bear like he's a totally crazy guy, and he's like so high, and man he is like running in traffic and this big truck comes and it's about to hit him, then the teddy bear totally stands up and then it punches the semi and the SEMI FLIPS RIGHT OVER THE TOP OF THE BEAR AND THIS GUY!!! OHHHH MAAAAAAN!!!! THAT IS SOME CRAZY STUFF!!!! Like man, I'm like--shoot dude, this is... this is too crazy. I'm like flipping out right now!!! So this bear has to find Hitler, right? And kill him cause he's totally in league with the devil... Oh, and that guy isn't high, because this is a kids' movie, but he just got like an A+ at spelling and is totally psyched up about that!!! What?

Game Over

Harold has the perfect life, a great job as CEO of an up and coming cmpany, a beautiful wife, three great kids, and his own little palace in the suburbs. But Harold has been having headaches lately. He makes an appointment with the doctor and after some tests he is sent to a specialist who discovers that Harold has a malignant brain tumor. The bad news is it's terminal. The good news is he still has another four to eight months to live. Suddenly Harold becomes obsessed with tying up loose ends. He spends all his time calling old friends to say goodbye, resolving unresolved disputes, and trying to finish everything he's ever started. Mostly this means video games. There are hundreds of video games that Harold had played once or twice but had never finished and now he is on a mission to beat them all. He quits his job and basically lives in the basement playing video games, coming up to eat once, sometimes twice a day. His wife wants to go on a long vacation so that their family can enjoy his last days on earth and so the kids will have some great last memories of him. But Harold can't agree to this unless he is able to complete the games he has been playing first. His wife is so upset by this that she unplugs Harold's game and yells "If all you are going to do is play these stupid video games then you are already dead to me." Then Harold ties her up and gags her and sticks her in the closet. He tells the kids that their Mommy didn't love them anymore and so she left and that he can't take care of them because he is dying. Then he drives them to an orphanage. He goes back to his games and four months later Harold emerges from the basement having completed all the games that he had started throughout the years. His tumor finally gets the best of him and he passes out as he is going through his empty refrigerator. He never wakes up. Because his wife is dead in the closet and his kids are now orphans, no one is there to clean him up when he has his final bowel movement.

The Appraisal of Middle Earth

Tolkienist fantasy meets the high octane wheeling and dealing of the real estate business.

This thing practically writes itself.