Sleepless in Detroit

Nancy is a beautiful girl and her boyfriend Herbert is a beautiful boy. They are very much in love. Getting married and providing the world with beautiful babies seems as natural as gravity. It turns out that Nancy isn't happy though. She wants more. She breaks off the relationship, blaming Herbert for not being romantic enough. This is, of course, a HUGE blow to Herbert, who is, in fact, a massive romantic. He has memorized several passages from Romeo and Juliet, and when he gets bored at work, he imagines himself and Nancy as acting those scenes out.

Anyway, back to Nancy. Alright, so admittedly, that was a bit of a cheeky tart move that she pulled, but she's over it--okay? So let's not dwell in the past... she's not. She's enrolled herself on Match.com. For just $20 a month, she is guaranteed a perfect mate. Nancy though has decided that she is not shallow, and chooses the Match.com option to not see the profile pictures. She has decided to find a mate who is compatible with her intellectually and emotionally (and not just another beautiful boy). She finds a suitably compatible profile, and they begin exchanging flirtatious messages. Eventually, they decide to meet up at one of her favorite restaurants.

The big night comes. Nancy is shown to her table. She can see her mate from across the room. His face is turned away from her, but she notices the classy tweed jacket, the straight neck line of his freshly cut hair, the elegant arch from his shoulder to his neck... She comes up from behind him, and covers his eyes. 'Guess who?' He says, 'Nancy!' Oh snap! Guess who it is? It's Herbert. Match.com had paired them back together because they really were perfect together.

'Oh well,' says Herbert, 'this night won't go exactly as I thought it would, but still, this is perfect. There's been something I've been wanting to do...'

At that, he grabs a glass of wine, adds a few drops of poison, and then grabs Nancy's jaws, forcing open her mouth and depositing the wine. She dies quickly. He then adds the rest of the poison to his wine glass, and says 'O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.' At that point, he goes to kiss Nancy, but he dies, and there they lie with their faces mashed together. Dead.