Hellbear

Okay so dude there is like this total like... like GUY, right? and he's like totally like like like STRUNG OUT, man--okay, so he's like strung out--okay? okay. and so he takes this giant teddy bear and he's like, "This will protect me, man! This will protect me!" So he's holding this giant toy over his shoulder like a fireman with someone who's like passed out because of fire. So like this guy is running around with this teddy bear like he's a totally crazy guy, and he's like so high, and man he is like running in traffic and this big truck comes and it's about to hit him, then the teddy bear totally stands up and then it punches the semi and the SEMI FLIPS RIGHT OVER THE TOP OF THE BEAR AND THIS GUY!!! OHHHH MAAAAAAN!!!! THAT IS SOME CRAZY STUFF!!!! Like man, I'm like--shoot dude, this is... this is too crazy. I'm like flipping out right now!!! So this bear has to find Hitler, right? And kill him cause he's totally in league with the devil... Oh, and that guy isn't high, because this is a kids' movie, but he just got like an A+ at spelling and is totally psyched up about that!!! What?

Game Over

Harold has the perfect life, a great job as CEO of an up and coming cmpany, a beautiful wife, three great kids, and his own little palace in the suburbs. But Harold has been having headaches lately. He makes an appointment with the doctor and after some tests he is sent to a specialist who discovers that Harold has a malignant brain tumor. The bad news is it's terminal. The good news is he still has another four to eight months to live. Suddenly Harold becomes obsessed with tying up loose ends. He spends all his time calling old friends to say goodbye, resolving unresolved disputes, and trying to finish everything he's ever started. Mostly this means video games. There are hundreds of video games that Harold had played once or twice but had never finished and now he is on a mission to beat them all. He quits his job and basically lives in the basement playing video games, coming up to eat once, sometimes twice a day. His wife wants to go on a long vacation so that their family can enjoy his last days on earth and so the kids will have some great last memories of him. But Harold can't agree to this unless he is able to complete the games he has been playing first. His wife is so upset by this that she unplugs Harold's game and yells "If all you are going to do is play these stupid video games then you are already dead to me." Then Harold ties her up and gags her and sticks her in the closet. He tells the kids that their Mommy didn't love them anymore and so she left and that he can't take care of them because he is dying. Then he drives them to an orphanage. He goes back to his games and four months later Harold emerges from the basement having completed all the games that he had started throughout the years. His tumor finally gets the best of him and he passes out as he is going through his empty refrigerator. He never wakes up. Because his wife is dead in the closet and his kids are now orphans, no one is there to clean him up when he has his final bowel movement.

The Appraisal of Middle Earth

Tolkienist fantasy meets the high octane wheeling and dealing of the real estate business.

This thing practically writes itself.

Superman Returns!

Okay, this is a story about a street kid named Superman. He doesn't really know where he's from, or who he's from or anything like that. Nobody else does either. He's like this awesome runner though, and everyone calls him Superman because he is as fast as a flash of lightning! There is this one kid with new shoes, and everyone is like, "Dope!!! THOSE SHOES ARE ILL!!!" They're the new Nikes and they're all colorful!!! And so this kid Superman goes, "Man, those shoes ain't nothin'." And then they race. And Superman wins. And then this kid is like, "Yeah, but you can't beat my brother!" His brother also has new colorful Nikes, and tight jeans, and probably a v-neck t-shirt from AA. And Superman beats him... but he beats him running backwards!!! SO IT'S LIKE A DOUBLE DISS!!! And as Superman is like being hugged by these ghetto kids who are like "You are awesome, Superman!", the older brother shoots Superman. Superman goes down, all the kids scatter, and then the older brother comes over and fires off 2 rounds into Superman to make sure he's dead, and then he notices that he got blood on his sneaks and is all like "Damn!"

Plagerizmo

A couple of recent college grads make a blog about ideas for movies, but their ideas are so good that a studio exec start stealing them. But because the blog posts are dated the blog is enough evidence to sue the studios. Because they don't want to face a lawsuit one exec hires some hitmen to take out the two kids and make it look like an accident, but they figure it out and set a trap for the hitmen and kill them. They then plant the bodies in the execs apartment and and pin the murders on him making it look like it was a deal gone wrong.

It's Big Fat Liar meets Home Alone, set in the young, sexy, fast paced business world of Antitrust.

Dead Teachers Society

Here is a good movie idea that I turned in for class once. It was about a student (Richard) who has fantastic movie ideas and turns them in to his teacher (Molly). His teacher (Molly) gives him (Richard) poor marks. Then the student (Richard) turns in a fantastic movie idea in which a teacher (Megan) gives a student (Dick) poor marks, and then the student (Dick) kills the teacher (Megan). The teacher (Molly) writes "This is sick, I'm reporting you, F" and returns it to the student (Richard). However, the teacher (Molly) goes missing before that report is ever made.

Needless to say, the teacher (my teacher) was not thrilled with the student (me). I don't think she ever disappeared though. It was a harmless jest.

**Also, this is an important addendum, Jodie Foster still has got it goin' on!!!

Oscar

I am calling this Oscar because 1. that is the name of the main character, but also 2. it is such a good idea that I would probably win an Oscar for it when I am done writing it. Here it goes:

So there is this troubled teen, Oscar, from a small town who just doesn't fit in with the small town way of life and he longs to escape to the city, but he is still a Junior in high school. Because he feels so trapped, and because the people of the town treat him poorly because of his differences he decides that he is going to kill himself. The problem is that he can't figure out what way he is going to do it because he wants his suicide to be special. His Mom can tell that not being able to decide how to kill himself really bothers Oscar so she puts an ad in the local paper offering $1,000 to whoever can come up with the idea for committing suicide that Oscar chooses to use.

At first there is a lot of competition within the community because everyone wants to win the money, but because Oscar still can't decide which way he wants to do it nobody wins the money. Then, unexpectedly, the town really comes together and rallies around Oscar to help him figure out how to kill himself.

Oscar feels the love and support of the whole town. And the community really bonds together because of their common goal. So Oscar gains an appreciation for his small town and decides that he doesn't want to kill himself after all.

I'm open to suggestions on the ending, but I was thinking it would be ironic and also very poignant if after he decided not to kill himself he was running to his mother's work to tell her the good news and he got hit by a car and died. The other possibility that I also really like is that when he tells everyone that he has decided not to kill himself, they are all really disappointed because his death was bringing them all together and also because they did all that work for nothing, so now everyone hates him again including his mom, so he just sticks a shotgun in his mouth and pulls the trigger. The end.

The Bridges of Mendocino County

When we were driving through Northern California (me and griffin), I told him about how I wondered how these people ended up here--living off of highway 1, facing the ocean, in the middle of nowhere, no neighbors for miles... just near this bridge. And I said... "Well, there was probably like this guy and he wanted to commit suicide and he was like 'But if I'm going to go, and I'm only going to go once, I'm going to go with style,' and so he set out to find the prettiest bridge in the world to jump off of, and he started driving up Highway 1 and there was this one bridge and it was GORGEOUS and he almost jumped off it but then he was like 'Well, wait this is just the first bridge, let me check out what else there is,' so he kept going and he was like 'Oh MAN THHHIIISSS is the bridge,' but he saw another one off in the distance and wanted to check it out... and he loved all the bridges, they were all so beautiful... they were all so beautiful that he couldn't decide which one he wanted to jump off of... this puzzled him to no end, since he couldn't decide, he didn't jump off one, and just lived there.... lived right where he came to die, and that's how these people got here..." to which griffin said "The tragedy is that we can only commit suicide once." which I thought was a very funny thing to say...