Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Roe(bot) VS Wade

In the year 2010 professional athletes are in danger of becoming obsolete. No, not because society realized that watching someone else play a game is a waste of time. But because the rich white people that own the sports teams realized that people will still watch the games even if they replace the athletes with robots. But Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World John H. Wade isn't about to let that happen. He challenges the robot boxer and the robot boxer is programed to accept that challenge. John gets ready for what promises to be the fight of the century through a montage composed of shots including but not limited to John jumping rope, John lifting weights, John punching a speed bag, John running through the city, John doing sit-ups, and John injecting steroids in between his toes. This montage will also include shots of the robot powered down and sitting in a closet for storage. The night of the big fight John's wife tries to convince him not to fight the robot by reminding him that his punches are not likely to have any effect besides possibly shattering the bones in his own hand. But John gives a long monologue about how he can't just sit back and let robots steal jobs away from professional athletes (this is where I will tell the audience the theme ;)). About 90 seconds into the first round, after John has shattered all the bones in both of his hands, the robot successfully lands a punch to John's body with such force that his chest collapses and his heart stops immediately. The good news is that the robot did not hit him in the face and Mrs. Wade is able to have an open casket funeral.

I am thinking of two possible sequels. Either the robot becomes sentient and develops a moral opposition to killing innocent boxers and decides to use his abilities to become a bouncer that cleans up rowdy bars, I'll call it "Ro(bot)ad House", OR the rich white people that be decide that they will make much more money if they continue to pit robots against humans, who have no chance of survival, and recruit their fighters from prisons by offering freedom to any inmate that can beat the robot, I would call this one "Death Race 2 The Ring"

2 comments:

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